ELTON F*CKING BROWN???

http://www.ridiculousupside.com/2008/7/20/574442/breaking-the-ceiling-summe

"Elton Brown looks terrifying on the floor. In person? He's like a teddy bear. A big friendly teddy bear that you're kind of concerned will eat you." TRUE

"A physical bruiser known for his ability to bang down low and battle with bigs for offensive rebounds(and then turn them back over to the defense), Brown is a physical warrior on the court (hands made out of stone will give that impression). (NOT) Surprisingly, his attitude is a lot more laid back in person. Though people around him say he can be acerbic (what?) when provoked, he genuinely comes off as an easy going guy (maybe because he is, and he's lazy). The confidence is stunning for an undrafted player out of Virginia (GO WAHOOS!!!), who's spent time in the D-League (scrubs), Greece (SPARTA!!!!!), and Israel (JEWSSSS!!!!!!!!!), and is now competing again for an NBA roster spot (it better be an XXXL).

Brown was one of the last cuts with the Knicks in 2006 (ooooooooooh the knicks....), and one of the last cuts for the Lakers in 2007 (Phil felt sorry for him). He's never made it over the hump (he got winded about 1/4 the way through), though, and last year,despite averaging a double double (meats AND potatoes) in the D-League and being leaps (stifle laughter) and bounds (still cant beat gravity) above his colleagues in terms of physical play (slap-fighting) and rebounding (grasping for air), frustration led him to take the money and run... to Israel (WAFFLE HOUSE).

He's back, though, because the goal of playing in the NBA is still so close to within reach (ran out of money). And while that might drive some people completely nuts (or BONKERS!!), for Elton, it's just another regular day at the office.

Summer League days are hard (really?), but they're not unbearable (well then no one would do it then....). He wakes up around 9 or 10 (NO WAY!), grabs something (somethingSSSSSSSSSS) to eat, and heads to the arena for practice (we talking about practice? /iverson). The practices, he says are harder than the players thought they would be, but he's happy with that (makes him hungrier). He's a physical player (LIES!). He likes physical practices. He heads back to the hotel to rest before the game.(BIG SURPRISE!)

yeah im not bitter

A-Rod, Gil Arenas

First story: another one bites the dust. First of all I wonder why the hell don't sports stars sign pre-nuptial agreements??? This happens time and time again. I read a NY Times article a few months ago that featured this one woman who after college at the age of 22/23 got married and then proceeded to married and divorced a total of SEVEN times over the course of the next ten years and never had to and will never have to work a job in her life. Hey I gotta give it to her. She was smart. Those seven guys were not. Come on guys lets be real here. I don't care how caring and nice your girl is. Of course no one wants to think about or contemplate divorce when you're walking that isle but think about it. A failure rate of 54% is the last I checked in the U.S. That is greater than HALF. Seriously. Would you ever embark on an endeavor that has a known failure rate to be greater than 50% without giving it some consideration and buying protection? This is even more important when you have so much to lose say HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. Oh well I guess to each his own...

In other news: Gilbert Arenas decides to stay with the Wizards for less money. They were talking about this on Around the Horn yesterday on ESPN. Quite true. What's the difference between $111 million and $127 million? My answer: $16 million. I think it was a good move on Arenas' part. He is coming off knee surgeries and in fact one of the guys on ATH even mentioned that he is probably only worth $90 million. Touche. It remains to be seen. Wizards picked up a big man in the draft so hopefully this will help out Haywood. I think the team also needs a pure shooter.